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Slow Dafaq Down (Please)

August 13, 2019

Listen, we all got somewhere to be, ok? But we could all use a little slow down in at least one area of our lives, metaphorically and literally.

 

Starting off with my favourite: driving. If a car doesn't give me a wide enough berth while walking the dogs one more time I will frickin' scream. I mean, listen, you don't have to go into the other lane, but driving like you stole the damn vehicle within kicking distance of me and my pooches is enough to make me lose my mind.

 

I also overheard an irritated conversation about horse back riders on the road, and guiltily I also get annoyed at the cyclists in the summer who seem to all be training in my neck of the woods... the bottom line is this: if you see an animal or a person along the road way, take a deep breath and give them a little extra room and at the very least slow dafaq down a bit, yeah? We have to share. 

 

 

 

Next, slow your frickin scroll, my friends. We talked about this before, and it's something I constantly struggle with. Like, what do you think you could do with that 3 hours that disappears into your screen all day. I swear we keep going like this future generations are going to be born with mutated thumbs adapted for the scroll. 

 

And really, what are we missing if we log off? Oh that chic you didn't even like from high school had another rotten kid? A cute dog nose? Hun, you got one right in front of you (probably, if you're here on a dog blog). Set those damn time limits, be present in conversations, pick up a book! 

 

Haven't checked your screen time stats? On your iPhone: go to Settings, click Screen Time, start screaming internally. App Limits will allow you to set timers on how much you can use certain Apps daily. Click the chart at the top of your screen to see your daily and weekly usage, scream more internally.

 

Remember on the Pixar movie Wall-E (uhm, watch it immediately if you haven't seen it) when by the end all the humans on the spaceship are obese and like basically forget how to function? I DON'T WANT THAT TO BE US! Put it down! Go outside!

 

 

 

That's a nice segue (did anyone know that's the proper spelling of 'segway' because I definitely did not) into my next point - comparison. I am also forever guilty of comparing my beginning to someone else's middle. Rachel Hollis reminded me this was an issue the other day in her book Girl, Stop Apologizing, which I of course recommend. 

 

I don't ever... k not ever, but rarely... think, like, 'Damn girl look how far I've come this year. Look at this personal trauma you overcame! Look at the new skill you acquired! My little fam is all alive, they're happy, they're thriving!' No, my brain goes 'Why haven't you achieved more in x,y,z aspect of your life? Why is your bank account crying? You should wake up earlier, lazy bones. Gary Vee would not approve of this snail pace. You can't do that and you're definitely not smart enough for that!"

 

Is anyone else on this train with me or is my brain out to lunch? Since there's basically a chapter dedicated to it in that book, I'll go ahead and assume you're here with me.

 

K PEOPLE, I am going to say this only once and with a meme my mother posted to Facebook today:

 

 

 We fuckin' good here? (Thanks, Mom, sorry I swore).

 

 

 

The culture of 'the hustle' and having to be on the move has seeped into a normalcy. Like, if you have only 1 job and don't go to the gym and at least 2 social events a week, plus run a household and maybe toss in a charity... what are you even doing? Uhm what? What happened to stop and smell the roses? 

 

Know what happens when you overdo it? Your body will slow down for you. We can get more into my recent health issues later (don't panic, I'm not dying), but I promise you, priorities shift when you're forced to take time.

 

So here's me, hoping to gently remind you, you can slow down. Be a nice driver, be a nice human, take a nice fiver. Even if, for you, the time you get to slow down is sitting outside and having morning coffee without your phone. Or maybe you let that guy trying to merge in front of you. Get home from work and put your phone in another room so you can pay full attention to your family. 

 

Just, please, slow dafaq down.

 

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